Counselling Couples and Families by OLeary Charles J.;

Author:OLeary, Charles J.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 1024137
Publisher: SAGE Publications, Limited
Published: 1999-08-28T00:00:00+00:00

Billy may be willing and able to talk about the situation. If, however, he seems to be perceiving the conversation as a discussion of his crimes and misdemeanours between two adults, I need temporarily to change the subject. I may back up a bit and talk about other things the family might want me to know about them. I may gently ask questions until I have an indication that we are on a subject that engages the young person. I may set up a parents’ chair in which everyone may take turns sitting and saying what the parent thinks is wrong with the family, and what the parent thinks is good with the family. Box 6.1 contains reflections on contact with people who may benefit most from respectful family counselling.

Box 6.1 Talking with teenagers

Many counsellors disqualify themselves by saying they cannot connect with adolescents and thus join the majority of adults who leave older children lonely and dependent only on each other for dialogue and recognition. Others, seeing teenagers as some exotic different breed, adopt an artificially confident and confiding style with them. My own counselling with teenagers changes significantly when I remember that the most distant and/or disdainful young person has a story to tell. I am interested in what kids want, think about, fear, enjoy and hope. I find that if I am curious about many things in a respectful way, then young clients will satisfy the curiosity that is at the heart of counselling: what are their feelings about the most important issues in their lives?

Listed below are some of the forms of statements and questions I ask teenagers who have not yet found a way to be engaged in counselling (once they are engaged, I often need only to facilitate some kind of fair order so that everyone has a chance to speak). My words attempt to convey my interest and set the stage for connection. Until a teenager finds his voice I feel I have to give in order to receive. The only difference between an effective counsellor and an intruder is that the former is, first, genuinely interested in the answers to his questions and, second, will stop asking questions once there is an easy flow of client conversation. I may say:

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